Well, this is it...I'm finally jumping on board the blogging bandwagon. Even though I teach Language Arts, I have never kept a journal or blog of any type. This is a decision I often regret, as there are memories I wish I had recorded for safekeeping. So here I am, ready to do this. Though I worry that my life isn't interesting enough to share with others, I keep in mind that the point of this blog is to express myself - my frustrations, my joys, etc. So bear with me as I attempt this blogging of life as I know it!
So, to introduce myself, I'll begin by defining how I see myself. I'm Christian, though I don't always prescribe to contemporary Christian worship. I still prefer traditional worship, traditional music, etc. Growing up, I attended a lovely church; however, it was one of those bigger-than-life mega-churches. While the pastors were genuine and kind, and the members I knew were fairly friendly, I remember feeling isolated there. I grew up in the suburbs of Dallas, and if you know anything about the suburbs of Dallas, you will understand what I'm saying when I say that every.single.person in Dallas looks like he/she belongs in a Miss. America pageant. If you didn't, you tended to be invisible - which I didn't mind, honestly. However, as a "fly on the wall" so to speak, I did witness so many hypocrisies in the church that I didn't feel comfortable attending, and vowed to never put my children in a church where they did not feel welcome. I'm grateful to say that the church I attend now is quite welcoming and open, and though I know the same hypocrisies probably exist (as they do in every place of worship), the open acceptance of others NOT based on physical attractiveness and wealth is a welcomed change. I hope that my children will grow up here and find love and acceptance in our church home; I so badly want them to have what I did not.
I am also a stepmother to one, eleven (K), and mother to two, a two-year-old and a nine-month-old (E and M). I consider myself a mother to three, really, but as any stepmom knows, you can't ever take the place of a mother. In claiming my stepdaughter as "one of my own," it is not my intention to deny her mother's very important place in my stepdaughter's life. In fact, I genuinely enjoy my relationship with her mother, and feel blessed to be a stepmother to such a wonderful daughter. I find that as she grows older, our relationship becomes more strained, however. I don't know if this is normal for any (step)mother/(step)daughter-type relationship, given her age (preteen...very scary time), or if it is "us." It bothers me. It nags at me. I feel torn between appeasing her all the time to keep our relationship constantly positive, and raising her the way I intend to raise my biological kids - with rules and natural consequences. It's such a tough place to be in, as you often feel like this child is yours...but with rules attached. Thankfully, my husband is incredibly supportive of us both, and our foundation as a family is strong - I've known K for a number of years now, and in that time, we have been through so much together. Our love and bond is strong, even though our feelings get tested sometimes. I just hope that one day, when she is a woman, she keeps me close. I love her. I love her and my other two with every inch of my being.
As for those other two, I have a son (E) who is two, and another (bio)daughter (M), who is nine-months. I feel like no one is prepared for a toddler. Period. My mother has always said that God really knew what He was doing with toddlers - they are so incredibly cute and irresistible that one sweet moment can make the nagging, crying, screaming tantrums disappear from memory. Case in point: a few weeks ago, I'm driving my kids home from the library. I have been listening to the "Yo Gabba Gabba" cd for so long that I have every.single.song memorized. I'm tired of it, and I just want to listen to some talk radio. I change the station, and my two year old whips into a frenzied "YO GABBA GABBA!"-themed tantrum. I change it back, as I can't really find a reason to pick this battle to fight. I then hear "mama? I love you." And, of course, I try to reinforce this rare break from the Yo Gabba Gabba singing/dancing by stressing "Thank you! I love you, too, E!" Makes every moment worth it.
My nine-month-old is stressing me out (I kid). I'm one of "those moms" who worries when my kiddos don't reach a milestone at the prescribed time, though it seems that my kids love doing this. E didn't crawl until 10 months, and didn't walk until 14 months. I was reassured to learn this was fairly normal, and he did reach other milestones early, but...reason isn't always my best friend. M has been so different from E. E has a congenital heart defect, and as such, was transferred to our local children's hospital's NICU when he was born (they were amazing, by the way). I say this because he was slow to take to nursing - I learned how to breastfeed off of a pump first (that's not fun), and then on to E. With M, my nine-month-old, it was completely different - she took right to nursing, and hasn't stopped...and while I am all for extended BFing, I did worry about her seeming distate for any other food. Now, finally, at nine-months, she is weaning on to a few table foods. If it weren't for some baby-led-weaning blogs, I think I would have lost my mind. Aside from those little control-issues of mine, she is the perfect completion to our family. I absolutely love her little gummy grin and her squeals for "mama."
I share this life with my husband, an amazing man, period. I feel so blessed.
As for this blog, that is already rambling and fairly uninteresting (sorry!), it is intended to serve as an outlet. I often try so hard to be both a good teacher to my middle schoolers, a present and loving mom to my kiddos, and a loving wife, that I find myself stressing and taking on more than I probably need to. On this blog, I'll be sharing both my personal experiences with my family, AND my favorite things/activities/advice/products/etc. for working mothers.
Catie
